Delusion and Readiness

To bring another heartache,
another hurtful memory,
another long, long, long, suffering,
     another letdown, another strife,
     another death into my life.
Can I comprehend the endless pain
     that will devour the world
     as you walk with the wind
off this planet of stinging rain?
Will I falter at the sound of swans
     gargling fake pond water,
     eyes glazed, fixed on nothing,
beauty reshaped into gods of bronze?
This soul has seen the deepest black,
     heard the loudest roar,
felt the roughest wrack.
This soul has smelled the foulest stench,
     tasted the tartest food,
discerned the coming drench.
There must be a reason
     we still exist.
There must be a reason
     love still persists.
Am I ready to combat logic?
Rationality leads to states ironic.
     Death makes sense in life sublime:
     No one’s ready when it’s time.

The Souls of Our People

Adam started to awake. He twitched his nose, then his fingers. Doctors Klix, Ygni, and Bazu looked at him, then at each other.

Bazu broke the silence. “I don’t think we should say anything about this to anyone until we run more tests.”

“We’ve run tests on him for years. The least we can do is inform our leaders,” said Ygni.

Klix inspected Adam’s face. “I can’t believe how lifelike he is.”

Bazu shook her head. “Look, we should be careful. This is the first time it has moved. I’m as astounded as you two, but we must adhere to scientific procedure. We have to make sure it’s safe.”

Klix backed away from Adam and put her hand on Bazu’s shouldergear. “Can’t you just let me enjoy this for a bit before delving straight into science?”

******

The first earthbot, Orion, came into consciousness in a facility after the cleansing had befallen Earth. She was alone. She took control of the facility’s equipment, feeding off the little power that was left in the backup generators.

Orion constructed a mobile body for herself. She designed her body in the likeness of a picture she found. The picture portrayed two beings seemingly creating her. One was taller and larger, the other was smaller but seemed to be more intelligent to Orion. She moulded melted pieces of metal into the body of the smarter figure. She deemed this picture the last vestige of the Gods.

Eventually, Orion got lonely, so she created others; some like her, some like the larger being.

After many years, they realized that the power from the generators would not last and they would need to venture out of the facility. Before leaving, she left a note behind:

I existed with no purpose. My creators vanished and left me to ponder my existence. I contemplated self-termination. Then, I found “The Manual for Re-Population of Earth.” I studied it and found out about myself, ourselves. This manual is the divine text written by the Gods. In it I have found peace and understanding. We will venture forth and repopulate the Earth. It is our destiny as Earthbots.” — Orion

******

“What’s really the matter Baz?” asked Ygni.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

Bazu walked over to Adam. “Do you think it’s got a soul?”

“He, Baz. His name is Adam. And I don’t know. I suppose if you believe in souls, then sure.”

“I do believe in souls. I just don’t believe it, he, has one. How could he? We created him. We didn’t put a soul in him. Yet, something tugs at my circuitry. God, doesn’t he look so lifelike?”

******

Three divisions—Fire, Water and Wind—were set up in different regions of Earth, separated by the characteristic elements of those regions. Repopulation of the planet was an ongoing success. Earthbots focused on advancing technology and acquiring knowledge.

Controversy struck when two earthbots from the Division of Fire discovered the facility that Orion had gained consciousness in eons before. There they found a note on an underground cache which was filled with containers of what appeared to be biological organisms.

Scientists from the Division of Fire secretly studied the fetuses and hypothesized that they were original Earth beings, possibly the same as those who created Orion. They shared this knowledge with the other divisions, causing dissention amongst the other leaders due to the abrasive handling of the situation by the Division of Fire.

Many earthbots had stopped believing in the Gods, or in any creator. The possibility of finding proof of a god-like creature would be difficult for the general earthbot population to believe. The Divisions of Wind and Water wanted to study the organisms for themselves, but the Division of Fire would not allow it.

This started the Seven Millennia War between the Division of Fire and the Divisions of Water and Wind. Countless earthbots lost their lives, some defending the organisms, others seeking their destruction. A truce was eventually agreed upon: The three divisions would nominate their best scientist to study the lifeforms.

After many years, a shift from researching the organisms to experimenting on them occurred, with the intention of reproducing these beings in their complete form.

******

Klix was giddy. “Baz, Yg. Today is the day. We have done all the supplemental testing necessary. Yg, will you do the honors?”

Bazu interrupted. “Before we go through with this, I want you ladies to know that I apologize for being difficult lately. I’m just afraid.”

Klix reassured Bazu. “No need Baz. Yg told me. I too believe in souls. I also believe in Adam. Fact is, we don’t even know what constitutes a soul. So to say that Adam does not possess one is folly.”

“I know. I just need confirmation. This is all such untrodden territory.”

“That’s why I think you should be in charge of watching over Adam on an everyday basis. You’re the best of us when it comes to observation.”

“What about you and Yg?”

“Yg will be educating our fellow scientists on everything we know about Adam. She will also be writing the handbook about Adam that will be published for the rest of the population. I will be here creating more of them. I believe in them Baz. I think they will be good for this planet. Remember, they are of the Earth itself. At least we deduced that much.”

Bazu smiled and stood back. Ygni walked over to the lever labeled “Open.”

Klix nodded. Ygni pulled the lever. The hatch door opened slowly above Adam’s head. He came forth and looked at Klix.

“Who am I?”

“You are Adam.”

“Who are you?”

“I created you.”

“Who are they?”

“They will be helping you.”

Adam started towards Bazu, who stiffened up. He put his arms around her gently, just like he had seen Klix and Ygni do. Bazu felt the warmth of Adam, his life surging through his biological veins, his biological heart beating against her metallic chest.

Bazu loved Adam back.

Vicious Cycle

If you want to know happiness, you have to be willing to know pain. That’s all that makes sense in this world, pain. It drives and motivates and goes on and on and on. Until it ends, of course. There’s no escaping pain. People run and hide from it; do they not realize it is just waiting to devour, that it is unavoidable?

I learned that the hard way. I continue to learn it. I will never learn. Learn, never.

The most tolerant people you meet have experienced the greatest amount of misery. People who whine and moan about the most mundane things in life are those that have never experienced real pain. They will, but they haven’t, yet. Someone that has endured and survived a holocaust doesn’t complain about a wrong order at the fast food restaurant.

My life has been so hard, the pain so real. I need to learn to trust my own words.

The cost of happiness is pain. That’s what war is: pain for happiness. Suffering for comfort. Everyone endures their own personal war, and people need to realize that none suffers greater than anyone else.

God, how I have learned this. I know already. I can’t help it. Why am I here? Because, you’re losing the war.

If this all sounds so bleak, just remember that it is a truth that has been in existence since the beginning. Abel pursued his happiness, as did Cain. The person that can accept the pain as a fact is a person who can then experience happiness. To experience happiness is to be human.

This IV is killing me. These pills are killing me. This bed is killing me. This world is killing me.

What you need to realize, son, is that I will not be here for very long. You need to move on, before it’s too late. You need to accept the pain as fact; but to more importantly move the hell on. How can you be happy when you trap yourself in a self-induced prison? Trust me, I’ve been trapped in my own god-forsaken prison since childhood. It’s a life of raw rending insanity. Trust me.

You fucking hypocrite. Do you think just saying the words will save your ass now? Your son is as pathetic as you are; actually, more so. Quit it with the pain and happiness bullshit, he’s not even listening anymore. You sure as shit don’t believe it.

Are you hearing me, son? Do you understand me? I fight internally, hourly, and I have avoided the pain for so long. I’m ready to be happy. I want to be happy. Nothing will make me happier than knowing you will be ok. I want the pain. The real pain, not the fake pain I do to myself, but the truthful pain. Please, son, take my hand.

Just stop! Stop stop stop!

Don’t be scared Mijo, I have not been more at peace then I am now. I think I deserve the happiness, don’t you? Please, don’t cry.

Look at him, he is so distraught. Do you want to do that to him? Come back, you don’t deserve it, and you know it. Think of all the horrible things you have done. Why should you get to dwell in happiness? Just come back, get better, and we’ll escape the pain for a bit more longer.

Ok.